I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
