? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
