Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
