sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
