just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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