Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
