I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
