I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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