the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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