ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
someone owes me an orgasm
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
