were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
