So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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