he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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