I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
