I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so explain again why im purple
no
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
