he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My boob is missing a layer of skin
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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