VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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