Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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