you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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