it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
