im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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