Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
