Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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