if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
