I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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