I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
