i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize