Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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