better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
