Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
