I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
