Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
