New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
