She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
