it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
