Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
