he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
