I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
