the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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