my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
