Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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