maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am one with the molecules
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
