Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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