i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
