i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
