I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
