Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize