The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
