am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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