we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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