My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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