If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
