Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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