I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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