I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
