I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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