Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
