shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
