Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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