So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
