So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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