and you said cock pushups were impossible
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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