I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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