Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
