Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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