I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
