he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
