So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
