worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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