Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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