I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize