wrigley field is MILF paradise
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
