You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
