I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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