I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
