yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
