Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
