how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
