just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
