I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
