for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
