wat bout pragnant strippers??
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
