I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want to make out with him forever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
