shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
