Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
