It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
