I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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