He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
