Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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