I hate your face
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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