im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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