Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
