arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
